a realist. atleast i used to be. with slight tendencies to the optimist.
so if i am one, here is my entry:
straighten clothes, fold clothes, repeat, repeat, repeat, feign interest, joke around, whistle while i work, straighten some more, look at the clock, straighten straighten straighten, talk to people hoping they'll be interesting, put up hangers, think about that one time i had fun once, calculate forty percent off, try to think positively...
human beings are amazing creatures. and i'm convinced i can endure anything temporarily (except being shot in the head (as Gabe pointed out) or other such life-threatening circumstances). besides, you can be in pain, but its your decision whether you suffer or not.
the end.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Stages
This stage of my life is called Arrested Development.
I'm Tired Of Thinkin'
Of What My Life's Supposed To Be (Well)
Soon Enough Darlin'
This Love Will Be Reality
I'm Tired Of Thinkin'
Of What My Life's Supposed To Be (Well)
Soon Enough Darlin'
This Love Will Be Reality
Thursday, September 11, 2008
in your element
have you ever noticed how someone can be so alive and excellent at something? when you seem to fail and lack motivation for whatever it is, there is someone who will out-do you with perhaps no extra energy output. with this seemingly effortless performance, they also will light up the room, drawing the attention and respect of those who witness them. they are, simply, in their element. but, how many people do you notice like this on a daily basis?
after accepting a job in retail over six months ago, i'm starting to finally make some decisions. of course they were decisions and angsts i had when first complying, but after all this time i feel like i've used up all my excuses for getting out. the time seems right, now, in a way. or maybe its just that there are reasons to stay (aka getting healthy after surgery), but i'm just afraid of how my self-confidence will fall if i make it to that one year anniversary, heaven forbid.
honestly i don't want to say that i've hated every day. that would be a lie. and of course the job has been extremely convenient and useful for a number of reasons. so maybe this is more just an expression of my pent-up exasperation. i can do anything temporarily, and i'm prepared to (i even want to in order to satisfy all my interests). i've done many things and love that i have for i know i've learned more about myself from each experience (which is essential to growth). i think sometimes i crave to let myself sink in that new circumstance just to see what will happen to me, to my mind, even if i know i'll struggle and even hate it. i think thats especially what this experience was about. for as much as it was convenient, its not for me. and not for the long run. how do people suffer for 9 hours a day on a permanent basis? thats my exasperation. especially when they know they are not in their element? how do they do it?
if you've ever seen billy joel at his piano, or been swept away by some salesman without realizing how quickly he captivated you, you know what this means. we all need to 'get on with what we're good at'. if we did, perhaps we'd witness more superhuman-like feats on a regular basis. people so enthralled with their natural ability to do work they enjoy that most bodily needs and scheming agendas are completely disregarded in lieu of the joy they find in their work. i sure hope all the doctors who've ever worked on me were in their element. every pilot. every underpaid cook.
wouldn't it be nice?
after accepting a job in retail over six months ago, i'm starting to finally make some decisions. of course they were decisions and angsts i had when first complying, but after all this time i feel like i've used up all my excuses for getting out. the time seems right, now, in a way. or maybe its just that there are reasons to stay (aka getting healthy after surgery), but i'm just afraid of how my self-confidence will fall if i make it to that one year anniversary, heaven forbid.
honestly i don't want to say that i've hated every day. that would be a lie. and of course the job has been extremely convenient and useful for a number of reasons. so maybe this is more just an expression of my pent-up exasperation. i can do anything temporarily, and i'm prepared to (i even want to in order to satisfy all my interests). i've done many things and love that i have for i know i've learned more about myself from each experience (which is essential to growth). i think sometimes i crave to let myself sink in that new circumstance just to see what will happen to me, to my mind, even if i know i'll struggle and even hate it. i think thats especially what this experience was about. for as much as it was convenient, its not for me. and not for the long run. how do people suffer for 9 hours a day on a permanent basis? thats my exasperation. especially when they know they are not in their element? how do they do it?
if you've ever seen billy joel at his piano, or been swept away by some salesman without realizing how quickly he captivated you, you know what this means. we all need to 'get on with what we're good at'. if we did, perhaps we'd witness more superhuman-like feats on a regular basis. people so enthralled with their natural ability to do work they enjoy that most bodily needs and scheming agendas are completely disregarded in lieu of the joy they find in their work. i sure hope all the doctors who've ever worked on me were in their element. every pilot. every underpaid cook.
wouldn't it be nice?
Friday, September 5, 2008
Decoys
am i being distracted by decoys? people who are tempting me from my true calling?
i definitely think its possible, but sometimes its very hard to tell. the road is recondite and i struggle to remain fixed or waver and relax.
i definitely think its possible, but sometimes its very hard to tell. the road is recondite and i struggle to remain fixed or waver and relax.
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