a great big texas hello

mardi, le 21 aout

qui va promener le chien?

quel est l'avantage d'etudier?

allo, tout le monde! its the first day (and possibly the last) of my so-called memoirs, an attempt to record the random happenings and even possibly significant events which happen to me during my stay in Brussels. after a good two days, i can already conclude that it will not be vacation, and yet, i'm not quite a resident either, although i'll assume resident behavior (aside from not having local friends and family, at least, not yet). its not vacation because i'm not squandering money on food or entertainment, but having to economize a lot, and sacrifice time and opportunities to do things the cheap way. while the tendency to be spontaneous does flow in my blood, i just can't develop that lifestyle here in brussels. somewhat, i will, cause i have to live! but a 5 month vacation just won't afford me the same luxury. that is, unless i can find a job.....with french speakers....that pays in euros...

i say its the first day of my memoirs, as i have been motivated by several factors to commence a journal online. usually i hate these things, to be honest, cause they just get so long and are simply extended post cards of events, meal selections, and wishes of goodwill to family and friends. but i want to record some things here that are of significant value to myself. the candor here is an attempt to analyze whats happening to me and how i'm reacting/changing in order to see some truths. my greatest fear is that i'll forget the things i've learned, whether things taught, felt, or understood through self-sacrifice. its just so frustrating to have to relearn, because you know if you had just paid attention and maintained a healthy inventory of your memories, your experiences, you'd remember those things that changed you and why. looking back at new york last summer, i now remember how much i learned and why it was so easy for me to be away from home. being there was paradise, while being at furman is inferno. why? what about my personality hates being at FU, though many of the circumstances are the same?

to make a long story short, i would like to call these my memoirs. i'm an elitist in many ways: i like my expensive soap, my bags carried for me, and my designer clothes (bought on sale of course). and i've been so lucky as to have the opportunity to travel to very popular and exciting destinations: paris, london, oxford, brussels, that i just can't call it a journal. memoirs is definitely more fitting. plus, the word is so presupposing of greatness, of which this journal certainly will not be, and so the peremptory word gives it a bit of irony. for me to presume it a work well-exacted and craftily designed for dramatic purposes, revealing secrets and scandals of a 21 year old girls' life (of utmost significance) or moral truths worthy of notation, i would be so ridiculous. but i love the insinuation. so have fun! i'll be as self-deprecating as possible in order to maintain some humility, but here is my preface: i'm recording my favorite memories as a chance to remember and as an outlet for my wonders. i wander in order to wonder. and that is the essence of travel for me. but thats another story.